It’s Okay to Judge

Judging a book by its cover is widely recognized as unfair. The same principle applies to forming opinions about individuals based on their behaviour, looks, or how they treat you.

But I partially agree

I recently dated a woman named Sonika. She was beautiful and a social butterfly, but I noticed she tended to dominate the conversation during our time together. Whenever I tried to share my stories or talk, she would either cut me off to share her own experiences or distract herself by scrolling through her Instagram.

This went on for a couple of weeks, and during that time, I consistently felt ignored. It sparked a plethora of self-doubts, making me wonder if I was boring or simply not interesting enough for her attention.

Maybe I am being too judgemental

Then I decided to confront her and express my feelings but I thought:

• Maybe I am being too judgemental, as everyone is a good human being.
• Maybe I am looking at the half-empty side of the glass.
• Maybe I should look at her positive side and what good things she’s bringing to the table.
• Maybe I am too boring or indifferent and should improve myself by being more interesting.
• Maybe I should not feel the way I am feeling, how the hell can I feel so bad?

I kept telling myself that:

In the following weeks, I found myself trapped in a myriad of “maybe’s.” I kept judging myself for being judgmental, leading to a sense of misery and self-doubt.

Exploring the Origin of Stop Being Judgemental

In the era of Self-Help books and motivational podcasts on Youtube or Spotify, we’re looking for quick fixes and solutions that we can directly apply to all the problematic areas of our lives. One of the common quick fixes which you’ll find almost everywhere is “Stop Being Judgemental and accept the person as they are”.

We quickly adopt these universal quick fixes, expecting results, but end up disappointed. We switch from one book/podcast to another, seeking another solution, perpetuating this endless loop.

What is the real problem then?

The problem arises when we constantly judge ourselves and our feelings, wondering why we feel the way we do. We may even think that something is wrong with us and feel the need to change ourselves.

This behaviour is often rooted in low self-esteem or a lack of self-worth, leading us to seek approval, validation, and acceptance from others.

Have you accepted who you are?

Before seeking approval from others to gain acceptance, isn’t it worth considering the idea of embracing yourself as you are and addressing any gaps that may exist?

How can we accept ourselves then?

Stop Judging yourself

When I began to feel ignored or disrespected by Sonika, if I had acknowledged my feelings instead of judging myself for experiencing them, and communicated with her about it, things might have unfolded differently. Either she could have understood my feelings, or we could have parted ways amicably.

By recognizing your emotions and tuning into your intuition or gut feelings, you can cultivate self-compassion. Your inner voice serves as a trustworthy compass that never deceives you. Therefore, if you find yourself uncomfortable or uneasy in a situation or with a particular person, it’s perfectly okay to judge and acknowledge those feelings and step away, rather than getting trapped in self-judgment.

What’s Next?

There are many more topics to be explained and stories to be told, follow me and keep an eye on this place. In the next few posts, I will be writing in detail about the following topics:

• Being needy is okay.
• Stop chasing, start attracting.

What are your thoughts on Being judgemental? 😉 Feel free to share your experiences and thoughts in the comment section or on Twitter. Also, don’t forget to follow me on Medium.

Thanks for reading 😊 Cheers, keep learning and sharing 😊.